Friday, December 31, 2010

I Predict 2011

Having been trained in the western Gobi Desert on deep meditation techniques inspired by bright moonlight, horse hair plumes, and porous rock sculpture, I have devined a number startling events that will shape the coming year.....

1. Fresh water fish will outlive migratory birds: This freak event will be occasioned by an increase in the electromagnetic forces that excite spawning along with a drop in the number of birds due to Gulf poison and air quality
2. Return of Jam: with households in decline and food prices up, jarring your food and making a toast spread a staple goes without saying
3. Buy Your Own Tank: Remember that movie with James Garner? With bank robberies on the increase and the very real possibility of armed gangs master-minding outright raids on rural towns  for provisions, it is not far from when folks with seek their own security measures
4. Return of the Horse: Buy stock in any saddle makers out there, leather producers, etc., because the horse will become the new normal by the end of next year, not only as a source of transportation, but also power--HORSE POWER!! The rise in gas prices will make this inevitable, and you will need any extra gasoline to fuel your M1 Abrams
5. Voluntary Servitude: look for folks to unload their personal freedom for food and shelter the same way they were unloading organs in the last decade with the new model of "domestic worker" influencing the larger corporations to add quarters to their factories--just like in China!
6. Messiah Movement: expect this on several levels--the Jesus version of a Second Coming, the Jewish version of an avenging Savior, and the Islamic version of a radicalizing prophet; one, two, or all three will make headlines in 2011 as these zealots take drastic measures to pave the way for their respective Almighties. Expect some leader to emerge as a source of inspiration which will cause lots of trouble for the other two religions(of the three who are intertwined of course)
7. Echo of Poets: folk art and music will awaken again on the airwaves--many of them pirate--as a grass roots embrace of simple, realistic songs that play to the concerns of the working poor, homeless, and downtrodden. This may spawn several movements for change
8. Terror, Disease, Weather, and Mayhem: any and all are to be expected in the next 12 months, but is that really a prediction? Call it a warning
9. "Things fall apart...the center cannot hold...": Yeats puts it so bluntly, but yes, the facade will crumble, the charade will end, the mask will drop, and western civivlization will find itself dropping back to punt from c. 1789
10. I Will Survive: Ah, the Gloria Gaynor anthem that will inspire the next generation--even if it's the Cake version! Yet we will, and the rediscovery of active, working communities will be a shock to the Overlords, especially when elements of anarcho-syndicalism prove a fresh step up from tyrant capitalism. Many millions will pool resources and restructure their towns and cities to deal with crippling unemployment, homelessness, starvation, and general poverty.

Wear a seatbelt, stock condoms, pray for rain, and read your bible. And good luck as the year goes on.

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